Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey, one that often brings with it a weight we don’t expect: guilt. It’s not the kind of guilt born from wrongdoing, but a quieter, more insidious presence. It creeps in during moments when we least anticipate it, reminding us that we’re still alive while someone we love is not. And perhaps one of the heaviest aspects of this guilt is tied to happiness—to those fleeting moments when we find ourselves laughing or smiling again.
For those who have endured loss, happiness can feel like a betrayal. It’s as if by allowing joy back into our lives, we’re somehow erasing the pain, diminishing the memory of those who are gone. There’s a voice that whispers, “Shouldn’t you still be mourning? Isn’t it too soon? Doesn’t your happiness dishonor their absence?” These thoughts can be paralyzing, trapping us in a cycle where we feel compelled to hold onto sorrow as if it’s the last thread connecting us to the person we’ve lost.
But grief and joy are not opposites. They coexist in the landscape of the human heart. Grief is a testament to love, a reflection of the depth of connection we had. Happiness, on the other hand, is not a betrayal of that love; it’s a recognition of life’s resilience. It’s a reminder that even in the shadow of loss, we can find light.
The guilt of happiness stems from the misconception that mourning must always be solemn and unchanging. But grief is dynamic. It evolves, shifts, and surprises us. Just as there are days when the weight of loss feels unbearable, there are days when laughter bubbles up unexpectedly. These moments of joy are not a sign that we’ve moved on or forgotten; they are a sign that we’re human. They are part of the natural rhythm of healing.
To laugh again, to feel the warmth of the sun on your face, or to cherish the company of loved ones is not a disgrace to the memory of those who have passed. On the contrary, it can be a way of honoring them. By living fully and authentically, we carry their legacy forward. We embody the lessons they taught us, the love they gave us, and the dreams they may have had for us.
This isn’t to say that navigating these emotions is easy. Allowing yourself to be happy after loss often requires courage. It demands that you face the fear of forgetting, the fear of letting go, and the fear of judgment—whether from others or from yourself. But in doing so, you may find that joy doesn’t diminish grief; it enriches it. It reminds us that life, even in its hardest moments, is still worth living.
If you find yourself wrestling with this guilt, know that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel conflicted. It’s okay to cry and laugh in the same breath. It’s okay to mourn deeply and still allow yourself to smile. Grief doesn’t come with a rulebook, and there is no timeline or standard to meet.
The ones we’ve lost would want us to live. They would want us to find joy again, to seek meaning and connection, and to embrace the moments of light that pierce through the darkness. In the end, happiness doesn’t diminish the love we feel for them; it is another way of keeping their memory alive. It’s a way of saying, “You mattered. You changed me. And because of you, I will keep going.”
Photo by Ansgar Scheffold
